Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Consistent in Every Way... Friends

Baby is 7 weeks today! I can totally believe it, time flies when you are having fun (LOL) and when you are super busy. I couldn’t imagine handing my experiences to someone else, it’s been a joy and a challenge. 
Many of my expectations since conception have been frustrated so I could get something much better for my character. The story is the same since I got married: I thought I wanted something a certain way only to find out God’s plan was so much better.
Like many women, I thought I’d have at least a girlfriend my age that could tag along me for the journey. Best friends my age that have newborns are in other states or other countries. I know plenty women around who have babies and newborns but so far, no strong bond of friendships have formed. I met great people at the mom and baby class but no one called back and vice-versa. It seems like there were clubs already formed so I would be a third wheel. 
Funny how now I feel more accepted by other moms who til now didn’t really have much in common with me. What I can’t understand is how come you have to give birth in order to be worthy of someone’s friendship.
I have been blessed with consistent, solid friends who were there for me way before I got pregnant. It seems that whether I was by myself or there was a fetus inside there was love, acceptance and I was treasured by these women. They know who they are because if you call them, they can tell you exactly what’s going on with me. 
I’m so thankful for friendships where I don’t have to beg for time. I don’t have to explain my present limitations and challenges, for there’s flexibility and grace for this new season in my life. This type of friendship doesn’t seek any selfish motives. There’s a lot of understanding and compassion mutually. I don’t have to put on a façade in order to be accepted. I felt accepted when I was high as a kite after my c-section (high on numbing medicine for the pain I would have felt otherwise) and I feel asleep on a friend. I felt accepted when I came home and couldn’t move as much so my friend washed my dishes and watered my plants. I felt accepted when all I could share was popcorn and sweet tea and a conversation over a crying newborn. I felt accepted when my friend gave me a break so I could wash my bathroom. I thank God for consistent, solid friendships. I thank God a few friends don’t walk in and out of my life but choose to stay and just work through different seasons of life. I thank God for friends who seek to meet needs and aren’t afraid of aggressively doing so.
I still believe I can find a couple of consistent girlfriends the same age who have children the same age as mine and all that kind of fluffy stuff. For now, I’m cultivating the friendships that I have. I understand that even those who can’t necessarily be consistent have a purpose in my life and I want to be a good guardian of those friendships too. Let’s face it, the most consistence some people can give me is to be inconsistent. Instead of complaining, I will choose to understand, be the best acquaintance I can and move on without any expectations. 
Gone are my expectations that every new person that pops up will be the one to see my babies being born, going to school, graduating, etc. This feeling of desperation doesn’t bring anything positive. I now choose to live and let people come and go as they are supposed to.
True and lasting friendship is always an unexpected, pleasant surprise, never planned based on resumes.
I want to live knowing I’m loved and I have room to love others without the feeling of people pleasing so I can make friends with the popular girls.
Two other posts about friends here and here.
Dating my best friend:

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