Saturday, April 21, 2018

Singing: Heart Motivation

I was walking out of a worship conference when a fellow worship department member asked, “do you see yourself in a bigger stage?” I thought about it and I said “No, not really.” She told me she did see herself on a big stage and she gave me reasons why she saw herself in such way. I don’t blame her at all. I can’t discourage people from doing what’s best for themselves.

My motivations are much different. As I child, I was told repeatedly not to be proud of any gift only God could give me. In my mind, that includes making plans for myself that only God can carry out. Being in a bigger stage falls into that category. 

I was taught to always serve the Lord, no matter where I was. I was also taught not to be look for the best seat (Matthew 23:6) when I arrive in a group setting. I’ve seen God open doors of leadership wherever I am. My heart is always to serve and to let Him bring promotion if it’s appropriate for me. 

We’ve been in different churches since I had the stage talk. I noticed that most people are not as vocal as that sister was but their actions certainly speak for what’s in their heart. 

I’m in no position to supervise others, but I always supervise my heart. I try to stay real when it comes to my motives. A good test of that was our time away from ministry. My husband was looking for a job for 5 months so we were not in leadership during that time.

The obvious question is, why didn’t you volunteer to sing somewhere? Well, our set of circumstances really didn't allow us to do that. It really was a time to be still and let God minister to our hearts.

I learned some hard lessons about the loyalty and truthfulness of others in ministry during those months. I remember being angry and telling God, “I didn’t ask for this.” I was able to forgive and move on in grace. It was one of those difficult moments of growth as a person. 

Recently, I’ve experienced more humbling times when I wasn’t invited to return to opportunities to lead (not a song but other leadership positions). I believe it isn't personal, I believe it is God’s plan for me. It is logical that doors need to close for others to open. If your nose is really close to the door cause you’re looking inside, that impact really hurts. 

I’m encouraged in the fact that if God wants me lead, there will be opportunities available. God always opens doors and I am committed to keep my heart in check so I can serve Him without pride. 

My time away from leading worship on stage encouraged me to see that if I really want to praise God, all I need to do is to open my mouth. If I really want to perform, there are plenty opportunities outside of the church. If I want to be used by God in a ministry, I need to do things His way. 

I have learned to accept closed doors as a sign that there’s a new season coming. I can’t carry my old assignments to this new season. 

I’ve been content with where God led us. I also know that God has more for me to do. It’s up to me to be attentive to His invitation. 

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