Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Journaling: honesty and freedom

I have been journaling for 25 years. I have learned that to put pen into paper means to have complete freedom. 

Freedom to express exactly what I am feeling. I can always be honest with paper, knowing I will not be judged in return. 

Freedom from the heaviness inside is also something I experience. Let's be honest: there are limits to people's ability to listen to my stuff. I experience the benefit of writing about what’s in my heart for as long as I need. 

I have been through a few life transitions lately and I realized that my reliable journal had been packed away. A job change followed by a home change kept this little piece of relaxation tucked away with other books. 

I decided to pick it up and see when was the last time I wrote something. February, to my surprise. 
I decided to be patient in the process of standing in stability. It took a long time to get here, so I am ready to acquire new habits and welcome old ones. Journaling feels like that old friend who knows me so well and who understands everything I go through. 

As a teenager, journaling served the purpose of registering my life. I had fun and fulfilling years. I wrote about all my adventures. I also wrote about my long and desire for the love that wouldn’t enter my life for 11 years. 

During my years prior to getting married, I wrote about the excitement of being loved for real as well as the responsibilities that new love gave me.

As a wife and  mother, I rely on my journal to pour out my heart before God. I write about the things I long to see. I write about the desires of my heart as well as the frustrations of life. I try to always have a faith tone to my writings. It is my hope that future generations will know the reality of my heart as they read it. I hope they will see me trying to connect to the author of faith as I pen my honest words. 

The digital age has made journaling accessible to all. I have downloaded the apps but I can’t seem to get separated from pen and paper. 

Journaling is an old friend who came and stayed. I’m glad. I hope to continue to write for the rest of my life. 

I hope that when I read entries of previous years, I encounter proof of God’s faithfulness through each word. 

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