10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

I've moved to 4 states, both as a single and married woman. While there is a monetary side to moving, I learned that the things money can't buy can be as valuable if not more. Here are the gifts you can give a new family (or person) in your community.

1 • Information • Moving is stressful for many reasons. The lack of knowing where to go to get things done is difficult. Most people don't blindly move somewhere. They do their research online. The moment you arrive in town, there is an immense information gap between locals and newcomers. Asking, "What do you need to know?" is a good way to start. I remember asking multiple questions about schools. I asked for service recommendations, among other things. Information is power and freedom when you are new in town.  

2 • Empathy • You don't have to understand to empathize. Empathy is a gift because you get to affirm the person where she is, as she is. Moving an entire life is difficult, and it is elating. It is stressful and depending on where you come from, it may be easy to do. Empathy does not judge or ask questions, but it stands firm in solidarity.

3 • A listening ear • I walked across the street during move number three, and I met an older woman who was a good listener. She asked me a simple question that unleashed a lot of what was trapped in my heart. She listened and she shook her head. She said, "It sounds like you are having a tough time." She didn't try to fix my problem. She gave me the rare gift of a listening ear. I saw many other people during that time. I experienced listening was channeled toward making a judgment. Some had a need to put me in a box. Listening can be a gift when the hearer listens without condemnation. I believe you don't have to understand to listen well. The gift of listening surfaces when we give attention to matters of the heart.

4 • Encouragement • Inserting courage into someone's life is one of the best gifts we can give. We can do it with words. We can do it by believing in them. Newcomers need a lot of encouragement because moving is not the end of the story. They need to make a life in this new place. They will face obstacles and challenges. Encouragement is like water in a parched land. You and I can offer it daily with our words.  

5 • Access to your friend group • If you consider the surrounding culture, this may be the most difficult thing to give. Some of us worked hard and long to build a friend group. How in the world are we supposed to give access to a new person? What if they mess up our perfect mix of people? If we consider life God's way, we will freely give newcomers access to our friend group. How so? God is generous. There is nothing stingy about the God of the Bible. He is also a giver. I believe I should be the same way. Giving newcomers access to our friend group can be as simple as introducing the new person to the best people we know. Introducing people is a joy. I know that if I work on my trust issues and I don't judge the new person through my past friendship hurts, I can see some awesome connections starting.

6 • Invitation to groups of interest • People arrive in town with a resume of groups of interest. As you listen, recommend local groups they can join. Joining groups can be a great way to feel connected to the community.

7 • Occasional check-ups • Feeling forgotten is one of the worst parts of moving. Checking on the newcomer and their family, fosters hope that the transition to the new community will pass. Checking on people can be quick yet beneficial. Realizing someone is thinking about you is a blessing.

8 • Room to Belong • The worst places to live are communities where you are legally allowed to be there but you can't belong. The simplest way to make room to belong is verbally telling people they are wanted and needed. I was at the end of a long run and a founding member of my running group enthusiastically told me, "I am so glad you are here! We need you! We need your ideas. We want this organization to grow and we need you to be an active part of it." I was happily surprised. This organization meant what they said. They literally made room for me to belong as a leader. In contrast, I've been part of groups where you are told in word and deed that you do not belong. There is always something wrong with the way you do things, along with the way you are. In that case, I was not trying to lead, I was just trying to be part of the group. Thankfully, I found room to belong with a smaller group of friends. Their gift of friendship, presence, and encouragement showed me that there was room in their hearts for me to be myself. I invite you to consider the ways you personally make room for new people to belong.

9 • Prayers • God hears and answers prayers. I find it imperative to pray for newcomers. I also let them know I am praying for them.

10 • Service • Newcomers may not need you to build a deck with them but it doesn't hurt to check how we can serve. Some want someone to talk to. I once needed a friend to hold my baby while I took a quick shower. 11 years later, I am still grateful for that act of service. Please remember that some won't tell you what they need unless you ask.

I pray that these gifts unleash increasing generosity and compassion towards hundreds of people who move to your community every month. 

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8 Ways to Effectively Communicate with New Members

'Tis the season to fill your organization with volunteers! I want to share a few tips on how to better communicate with the new folks you hope to recruit.

Reintroduce yourself - You should introduce and reintroduce yourself regularly. While part of your members know you, new people have no history with you. Think about how to reintroduce yourself in person and digitally. There are great opportunities to do both things, for example, set aside a few moments in the beginning of each meeting to tell the story of your organization. What is the history? What are the objectives? What do you hope to accomplish together with all of that in mind? New eyeballs are running into your social media content every day. Think about scheduling content that will appeal to new people and don't forget to close with an ask such as "apply today" or "join us at our next meeting."  

Remember the first-time member experience - When was the last time you joined a group for the first time? It can be either a good or bad experience. The choice is up to you. I invite you to think about a new member's journey from typing your address in their phone to parking all the way to leaving. Are there any helpful things you could do to be sure the person comes back to your organization?

Go the extra mile to be sure new members feel included - You might be thinking "Cintia, I just took all of that time thinking about the new member experience. Why would you want me to make sure they feel included? Isn't it the same thing?" My answer would be no it isn't. It is possible to have an exemplary new member welcome just to feel left out. Sometimes, the other members do not speak with a new person. I've been in multiple places where a new person tells me after being in a meeting for a long time and passing multiple people "You are the first person who spoke to me." Make looking for newbies and making them feel welcome part of your organization's culture. And yes, that particular place had a committee responsible for making people feel welcome yet this group of people escaped them. Hospitality is everyone's responsibility. It needs to be modeled, taught, and encouraged. Regular reminders are also needed. Lastly, an organization where only a committee is responsible for welcoming new members while the older members are aloof to the new member experience is not a place most people want to belong. I know we can all make sure our organizations are warm and welcome to new members. It takes intentionality.

Ask new members for feedback - This will show openness and humility from you and your team. I am here to tell you most organizations miss the fact that new members have fresh eyes and fresh ideas to offer. Instead of asking a consultant or a sister organization for feedback, try asking a new member. Most of the time, the person will give you honest, timely, and real feedback about your systems. The information used as data can help your organization improve, continue or stop current practices.

Revisit your communication protocols and be ready to improve and simplify - Recently, I had to join a dynamic local organization. They are good at what they do. They have prestige attached to their name. I noticed their communication protocols are poor. As of today, there are 5 different ways to receive communication from this organization. Each communication portal seems to be critical to run this operation. A simple revision of how an organization communicates with members can be helpful. Ask:

What are the ways our members can receive communication from us?

How many communication platforms do we have? Do we adopt every App and website that exists out there? Are our communication efforts giving us the results we are looking for?

When it comes to communicating with members, clarity and simplicity win the day.

Consider signage - When my son was diagnosed with scoliosis, we took him to Scottish Rite for Children in Dallas, TX. The campus is enormous, yet the signage is very effective. I never really got lost there, even with the construction they had at the time. My guess is that someone planned the signage and trained the volunteers to be sure that parents and children knew exactly where they were supposed to go. Consider the signage your new members will see when they join you for the first time. You want to be sure it is easy to find you.

Consider tone - Leaders and their teams sometimes do not consider their tone. I am not speaking about the North and South thing as in "Oh, we are from up North so it seems like we are rude." Your tone comes from your heart, not from your place or birth. There are organizations out there who want new members but they want to obtain and maintain those members while having a rude tone. My least favorite excuse is "I just tell it like it is." I don't like it because if you say your organization wants to meet to do good, the words that come out of your mouth should reflect that. Let me tell you a secret: people "quiet quit" organizations that have a rude tone. If they don't quite, look for a documentary in the future with people saying how unappealing your language was. Considering your tone is not a way to put you in a box. It is a way to free you to communicate in a way that uplifts the people you want to join you. You can be honest and straight to the point without belittling your new members. The source of your tone is your heart.

Beware of acronyms - Most organizations have acronyms. Be mindful to explain them to your new members. Assimilation and adaptation become easier when new members don't feel like they have to spend 75% of their mental capacity decoding acronyms.

My hope is that your organization communicates better than before. Let me know which one of these tips you will apply first. 

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Investing in the Fall

How can I invest in the Fall even before the summer ends? I can take the opportunity to do the following:

Plan my major Fall commitments. If I could summarize my major commitments, they would be school, holidays, and travel. I can look at my schedule and plan these commitments. Planning now will allow me to have the presence of mind to create small tasks that will lead me to a successful Fall.

Small Tasks. In a little over two weeks school will be back in session. One of the small tasks I've been worrying about all summer is back-to-school shopping. Every year I believe I will start working on all of this earlier. This year I gave myself a deadline to finish this task. I look forward to not being as worried and rushed as I am every year. We celebrate holidays every year, often in the same way. There isn't a strong reason not to have small tasks attached to the upcoming holidays. I know it will make life easier and my Fall schedule more pleasant.

A lot of organizations are recruiting in the Fall. Before that large wave of invites to volunteer reaches my inbox, I need to know what I can realistically do. My commitment to school, holidays, and travel should be on my calendar with the corresponding small tasks. No more should I sign up to volunteer without considering what will truly cost me.

How do you plan to invest in your Fall schedule before the summer ends?

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Sunday Seven

Sunday Seven

1 • Friends enhance the fabric of life. I had the blessing of spending time with friends old and new this week. The gift of their presence truly transformed my week. I am grateful to God for creating friendship. I am thankful for friends who agreed to spend time with me because they treasure presence over other things we could be doing. 

2 • I have hundreds of conversations with people each week. This week, the kids’ piano teacher reminded me of what is truly required to make a difference during a divisive year in America: unconditional love. God calls us to love unconditionally and that is what Christians do. I was grateful for the reminder to love everyone, enemies included because God asks it of us.  

3 • There are legitimate reasons to complain. There are more reasons to express gratitude. When we live in a culture of complaints and we agree to follow it, we miss out on the blessings of gratitude. Gratitude is misunderstood because we think there is no room for legitimate complaints. Gratitude is understood when we use it freely from a heart that knows its great blessings. 

4 • Marriage is one of life’s great blessings. It also comes with great responsibilities. Mutual forgiveness is required and so is the commitment to champion one another. I’m more in love with my husband now than ever before. I’m fascinated by him and eager to continue to know and love him.

5 • Parenting is best coupled with prayer. Through ups and downs, unknowns, joys, and sorrows, prayer is the doorway to the divine. God, who is all-wise, has all the wisdom I need to be the parent God called me to be. So I pray without ceasing because He hears and He cares. 

6 • Often the issue is not hearing from God, the issue is obeying God. I hear from God every morning when I read my Bible. He says “forgive.” It is up to me to do what He clearly says. 

7 • Small steps lead to big changes. Making peace with the slowness of health results is wise. I didn’t get myself where I am overnight and I will not get out of here that quick. Small steps work because my whole being gets used to this new route and routine. I’m grateful for the health improvements I enjoy because I chose to take small steps.

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When you don't bloom where you are planted

I've been caring for sick plants quite a bit since we moved to Georgia. I'm a frugal person and I enjoy a good deal. I wanted to buy a Zz plant but I found them to be too expensive. I waited for a while. One day, I saw several offered for a discount. Upon closer examination, they were not looking so hot (or healthy). I decided to take them home with me.

I do not have a green thumb or experience in keeping plants alive. Still, I gave it a try. The plants did really well at my home. I discovered that the light and temperature were ideal for growth. The next plant I brought home was a sorry-looking Fiddle leaf fig. I decided to put it in my bathroom. The leaves kept falling. Unlike the Zzs, the light and temperature did not seem to have an effect on the plant. In my mind that plant was a relative of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. 

Time went by and I started to pay attention to the soil where the Fiddle leaf fig was planted. I realized that not only the soil was lacking but the roots had grown so much that it was impossible to be healthy in a seemingly perfect environment. 

I bought new soil and transferred the Fiddle leaf fig to a larger container. After a while, multiple leaves were popping up and not falling on the floor like before. I learned that sometimes, you don't bloom where you are planted because you outgrew the soil where you are planted. If you stay, you will slowly dry. 

The Zzs no longer looked sad as they did the day I bought them. They were thriving so much, I decided to share them with others. I replanted them in beautiful containers and gave them as gifts. I did not want to keep them to myself and run the risk of having another case of the roots outgrowing the container. 

Except for the Fiddle leaf fig, my plants stay on the first floor of our house. I decided my son's room needed a plant so I took one of the Zzs there. I also decided the back yard needed a plant so I put another Zz outside. My son enjoyed having the plant but didn't pay much attention to it until the plant started to die. He carried it downstairs as if it was a sick person. He said, "I think this plant needs help." Meanwhile, the Georgia heat did not do the other Zz a favor. It too started to die. 

Sometimes it is not the plant's fault. The dark or hot environment makes it impossible for a plant to thrive. It is not possible to bloom where you are planted if the environment is conducive to killing instead of healing. 

I've been there. I tried to bloom where I was planted but door after door was closed. If I could move myself, I would have. For some reason, God wanted me in those environments a little while longer. I did wait for His help and rescue. 

I eagerly waited for God. I can say that God turned to me and heard my cry. He replanted me in good soil. I am grateful and I am flourishing now. 

If like me, you feel like you can't bloom, don't be discouraged. May the words of Psalm 40 remind you of the faithfulness of God who sees you and who will rescue you.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

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