How to find friends when you have no family in town

When I moved to the U.S., I came by myself. Some of my family joined me as we attended the same college. When those years were over, we all spread out. Some moved back home, some stayed. When Zeke and I got married, we lived in N.C. Now we’re in Texas. Both times, we were the first ones from our families to move to those places. 

We learned the value of making and maintaining friends since we were newly weds. Here are a few ways we learned how to find friends when you have no family in town 

Be intentional about finding friends. Rejection is part of the process. Persist anyway and be intentional in finding friends. 

Be friendly. This sounds obvious but I have met a lot of cranky people who are looking for friends. Being friendly will increase your possibility to find friends. 

Find a common bond. We found some of our friends at church because our faith binds us together. I found my first Texas friend in the public library. We both had preschoolers. I have found friends at running group. Running was our common bond. Discover what it is that you do and you will likely find friends in the process. 

Pray about it. God wants to be involved in every area of our lives. Remember that if you pray, He hears and answers. I know for a fact God has sent me great friends after I prayed about it. 

Sign up for a group. I met some good friends through groups. Some examples are leadership group, mommy group and running group. I have heard of groups that get together to make freezer meals for a month. Whatever you are interested in, find a group. You will likely find friends there. 

I have to tell you that sometimes, bad people want to be your friend. Run away from bad influences and stay away from bad influences. If those friends are leading to develop bad habits, get away from them. If they are toxic, run away as fast as you can. If they want to take advantage of you, block them from your phone and stay away. Although every person we need require a little help and encouragement, there are those who are looking for a victim. Don’t be a victim of those who are trying to take advantage of you. 

If you can’t easily tell the difference or if you always attract the wrong kind of friends, you may benefit from counseling. I believe that counseling can help us get and stay healthy. Counseling can also get us back on track if we acquired some friendship hurt along the way. 

Last but not least, if like me, you are a minister’s wife, please don’t use that as an excuse not to make friends. I’ve heard people say that you can’t really have friends because you don’t want church members to know “everything.” 

Here’s my take. While you shouldn’t volunteer people’s private information to others (that’s called ethics), that’s not the goal of friendships. If all you want is someone to hear about your church issues, you don’t need a friend. Friends love at all times. Friends love all of you, not just the “minister’s wife” you. There are more aspects of your life outside of ministry. Don’t limit who you are as a person because of an unpaid position. Minister’s wives can pray to God for guidance and they can make friends inside and outside of the church. Don’t believe the lie that you’re not supposed to have any friends. You can and should have friends. Abundance of life and joy are part of God’s gift for us as we serve Him in ministry. 

I want to encourage you to put yourself out there and make friends. You are friendly. You are also a good friend. It is just a matter of time before your life is filled with good people. Don’t give up.