Friday, April 9, 2010

Making (new) Friends

Making friends used to be easy as a child. Even as an adult, finding friends was never an issue. Maintaining good friendships for the long haul and finding friends for this season is the challenge I currently face.

As a new mother I have found that some old friends might not be able to relate to the new me. My demands have changed, my schedule has changed.... darn it, I have changed! I don't require my friends to change with me. For the most part I tried to remain understanding although people have the tendency to look at you as the person you were 10 years ago. That's when something inside pushes you away from them because you are a different person today. No hurt feelings, just changed feelings.

I think it's wise to know that different seasons of life require different types of friends. It's nice to have other mom friends who have been or are going through the same things as I am. In grad school it was awesome to have people who were taking comps, writing a thesis and trying to read a thousand pages for the next class. There's comfort in similarity.

I have been trying my best to stay connected. I have been blogging. I stayed connected to a few ministries at church (I sing, I pray, I volunteer in the nursery). I visit my neighbors. I go to the gym. When I go for walks in the neighborhood I stop by a friend's house to say hello. I went to a new mom's group when the LP was an infant and now we go to another group in the library. We try our best to get out there in the community and meet new folks. Oh, my seasonal job as an event planner keeps me connected to real human beings too.

I must admit sometimes I look at the greener grass out there. I secretly admire that select group of moms who do everything together; from shopping to playdates they are inseparable. They're all thin and all their kids get along so well. Their world seems so perfect! I always wonder, how in the world did this women meet? Is their world really as perfect as it seems? 

I am trying to get out there, meet people and see what happens. I haven't felt compelled to start a moms group at church or out in the community (there are many, many good groups out there). I wonder if one of you would like to shed some wisdom into this new phase in life for me. Thanks for answering the following:

How do/did you find friends as a mom?
How do you maintain your friendships (it seems no one has time for real friends)?
What practical advice would you offer to moms who do not want to be alienated?

5 comments:

The Jackson Fam said...

Cintia, as women isn't it awesome how through the different seasons in our lives we all seem to experience the same kind of feelings? I think you hit the nail on the head when you spoke of "changing". Thats what happens, it's part of life. I think the friends that truly care and want to be part of your life still(after a kid or two) will make that effort. It may be that it is only a couple times a year that you connect, but the effort from those that truly care will still be there. Finding new friends as a mom can be difficult. I was blessed however coming to NCC to fall into a group of mom's (who are all dear friends now)and we all just meshed. I think you are on the right track though, by getting out into the community, you never know who the Lord will place in your path! Pray, that He will put the right women He wants in your life during this season, there for you to notice and embrace. I can tell you one thing though that I have found, if you want it, you have to actively search for it. I can guarantee there are many other women in our community doing the same thing right now, just waiting to be found! As women, we so need other women to surround ourselves with, that understand what trials or difficulties we are facing and rejoice in our triumphs and good days! We need those relationships, because they help us be the women we need to be, and the way God designed us to be, which is in fellowship with one another.
Great topic Cintia!
P.S. Stephanie, Kathy,Jennifer E., Cindy G, Kyla and myself have been talking about how we really need maybe once a month to get together (with no kids) and just have a girls day! Maybe you can be the catalyst to make it all come together!

Molly @ Digital Mom said...

I HEAR YOU! this speaks SO true. I have great friends but either they don't work, no kids, kids are different ages, etc. etc. etc. It's so hard to maintain friendships and meeting genuine gals that become great friends is HARD.

I think the church/community is a great start. I read something recently (wish i remembered where!) that said when you do find someone you think you could be good friends with invite them over for lunch, and serve peanut butter and jelly. Keep it simple, keep it real and keep it intimate. I thought this was a good approach and knocked down MANY walls right from the start!

Do keep us up to date on this journey. And if you need an online friend - HOLLA :)

Victoria said...

Well Said! I am dealing with the same issues. My old friends with no kids just don't get my new life. And my new friends with kids, well....we are always busy it seems. You do not feel these feelings alone. It will come. Life brings you many acquaintances, but only few true friends.

Pinkk Candy said...

como te entendo querida Cintia, faço minhas as tuas palavras, é mesmo complicado, os casais sem filhos não entendem, mesmo, o que é ser mãe, ser pais, têm outras prioridades na vida, e não os podemos culpar, eu também já pensei assim.
ando também um pouco à deriva, por isso vou blogando também.
como não trabalho, manter contacto com outros adultos não está a ser muito fácil :x
alguma solução se há-de arranjar, temos que ter pensamento positivo!

=)

Simply Cintia said...

thanks for all the comments here and the ones in the e-mail! it's been awesome friends!