Zombie Mom

Thursday, July 29, 2010

by guest blogger Christina Hebert

Crying baby.
You realize your clothes are dirty and you don’t care.
Hair is a little on the greasy side.
You’re in pajama pants because you can’t seem to fit in any pants you own.
Bra is stuffed with breast pads because you can’t seem to control your “flow”.
You cuddle with a Boppy pillow and cling to your baby for dear life and realize that this Boppy pillow DOESN’T stop the pain in your back.
When you stand up you shuffle around the house like Ogre, because you don’t know how to stand up straight.
Your computer becomes your online link to the outside world.
Mommy bloggers make you sick with their enthusiasm.
Dishes can speak to you now, as they have a block party in your kitchen sink.
You stop and realize “Who am I?”
Sound like you at this very moment?
At this moment realize that you aren’t the only one in this EXACT same situation. This is an epidemic and its called “ZOMBIE MOMS”
Zombie Moms fall under the list mentioned above. They are no longer the beautiful vibrant women they were before children. That woman is tanning on a beach with a margarita somewhere in your brain and wants nothing to do with the havoc that is happening at the moment.
Zombie Moms go through the motions of childcare and increase in mass. They let the trials of motherhood overwhelm them and can’t seem to find the happiness in the blessing that has entered their life.
Do you know a Zombie Mom? Maybe. They choose to live indoors. You might catch the rare being in the line at a fast food restaurant. You can spot this mom by the baggy sweatpants she is wearing on a 90 degree day, the greasy hair that for some reason she is wearing down because Zombie Moms have no realization of “dirty” hair, and they live behind large sunglasses.
How to conquer to Zombie Mom epidemic?
One word: MOVE.
Such a small easy word with potential to change lives. As a mother of 2 under the age of 2, I have been lost many a times in the Land of the Zombie Moms.
Now to truly the conquer the Zombie Mom, you can NOT use wooden stakes, silver bullets, whiskey, margaritas or self help books.
Seems simple? Not to the Zombie Mom.
Here are 3 steps into beating the Zombie Mom and Bringing back the Mom that has been tanning on the brain beach.
• Either have a stroller or sling/wrap to transport Zombie Mom offspring.
• Water. Like the witch from the Wizard of Oz, it has strong affects on melting the zombie skin off.
• Now walk. Nothing spectacular. Start with 30 minutes a day.
By this point the Zombie Mom virus is in reverse effect. Color is coming back to the skin, muscles are starting to support the body, the vibrant lady on “brain” beach is peaking through.
At this point Zombie Mom is now MOM, but that is not good enough. Mom needs to be YOU again.
Since you are no longer in “Zombie” status you have more energy and can use that energy to regain that body you had before baby. This process takes the longest but comes with the greatest rewards.
Next steps to feeling like YOU again:
• Start a DVD workout program
• Choose one of the many workouts published in your lovely collection of magazines that are taking over your kitchen counter.
• Find a local Stroller Strides class, meet other “Zombie” Moms in recovery while teaching your child to socialize.
• Give yourself a goal of the daily 100: 20 squats, 20 pushups, 20 crunches, 20 jumping jacks, 20 sec plank hold. Each week increase 100, 200, 300 etc.
• Most important is to NOT stop MOVING, and continue to push the limits on your movement.
Unlike the zombie movies we watch there is an END. How and when you get there is up to you. No one can force you to do anything you truly don’t want to do. But there is that vibrant woman in there that wants to be let out. She lives behind the tears & anguish that you let consume you. Be yourself again by doing your body good. No book, craft, or job will bring your back to yourself. Only working your body, boosting endorphins and sweating out the “weakness” will you bring out that strong confident woman that is now a mother.
Now decide your fate will you be the Zombie Mom conqueror or roam with the pack of other “Zombie” Moms?
Choose your own destiny.

Christina Hebert describes herself as "Mommy of 2 crazies, Military Wife, Triathlete, Sexy Lifestyle Advisor, I drink sweat for breakast." You can follow her blog www.seemomrunbikeswim.com for more inspiration!