Much like mixing oil and vinegar, differences tend to rise to the surface when you get married. My husband and I spent our dating years focusing on our similarities but that changed as our marriage began. I believe that it takes getting married for someone to realize how different they are from their spouse. Differences in marriage shouldn't annoy a person who is seeking excellency in marriage. The key is to use differences to build your marriage relationship. Here are three ways to do that:
Study your Spouse • because my husband is so different from me, I chose to became a "student" of his. When I do my homework correctly, I get to know him better thus loving him with better (qualitatively speaking). We dated for 1 year and were engaged for 1 year, which means that most of our interactions have happened while married. I have learned a lot in the past 6 years and I am looking forward to loving him better as I continue to study my husband. Some of the subjects I study are his personality, his love language and his fashion style. If you think about it, there are many other ways of being a student of your spouse.
Enjoy the New • My husband's world collided with mine when we got married. The great thing is that we both began to experience new things. When he visited my hometown in Brasil he experienced so many new things that were part of my upbringing such as going to the bakery daily and going to the beach. Likewise, I continue to experience new things the more I am married to Zeke: from going to jazz festivals to enjoying his favorite 80s TV shows. These experiences have only been possible because we are so different. The memories create a greater sense of unity.
Celebrate as a Habit • When we appreciate the distinctive qualities of our spouse we begin to celebrate them. The key is to make it a habit. Some married people speak negative things about their spouse as a habit. The ability to celebrate the distinguishing characteristics of your spouse can also become a very good habit. When you are honoring your spouse's singularity as a habit, you are really honoring them. Honor goes straight to the heart of the one you love and it contributes to a lifelong, healthy marriage.
I encourage you to use your differences to compliment your spouse. Begin to study your spouse, enjoy the new experiences along the way and celebrate as a habit.
QUESTION • Before reading this post, what were your views on Differences in Marriage? How can you use the differences in your marriage to build a stronger marriage?
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