Lamentations 3:26 (NKJV)
I talked too much in 2020. I complained too much. I was verbal about my frustration which caused me to sin.
I know God doesn't have a problem with me 'feeling my feelings.' God knew it was 2020. Still, His word and His character does not change. His standards for me were untouched by the situations that I faced. I talked too much friends.
I complained about so many things going wrong around me. Let's take the racial unrest in the country. I wasn't wrong to speak up. I also put action behind my words. I went a step further and even spoke to a therapist about it. None of this was wrong.
I talked too much in 2020 because I spoke in anger and I directed that anger towards family and friends. There was a better way to express everything I was feeling. I chose to use my words to hurt and not to heal. For that, I feel awful.
Yes, I asked for forgiveness. I admitted my mistakes to those I hurt and to God. The issue on the table is, am I really going to change? How will that change come about?
One option is to join a silent retreat. You know that's not going to work for me. I speak for a living. Going on a silent retreat is just not practical at this point in my life. Maybe in a few decades.
The option that makes the most sense is to ask God to change me from the inside out. While God changes my flawed and sinful nature, I wait quietly.
The practical way I intend to that is the following:
1. Give myself to the reading and studying of Scriptures. I can't be transformed outside of God's guidelines.
2. Give myself to prayer. The only way this works is if my schedule clearly shows I'm reserving time to prayer.n Praying on the internet so others can join does not count in this case.
3. Follow up with Christian Counseling. I believe that counselors can give me tools for this journey.
4. Become a better listener. The first, second, and third step is to be quiet. That's the only way to listen. While I am quiet, I listen for things unsaid as well.
This year will be a quiet year. I'm okay with that because out of Godly quietness, change and perspective will certainly come.
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