Family life is good and it is also challenging. When I face challenges, I often remember the God I serve. I remember His words and His ways.
God is a great Father. He is an everlasting Father really. He loves well and efficiently. I want to offer both of these qualities in all my family relationships.
When my family and I experience brokenness or conflict, here are practical things I do:
• Go to God for wisdom - Prayer has to be my starting point. Often, God asks me to recognize where I’m in the wrong. I then repent from my own sin. If I’m still harboring bad feelings, I ask God to help me to be in line with His will. Then I pray for wisdom.
When I get wisdom, how do I know I am getting it from God? Check out what James has to say:
“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
James 3:16-18 (NKJV)
The wisdom God gives is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
Once I know I got what I asked from God, I give it to my family member.
Let me be transparent and tell you that all of this is best done when your fleshly pride and frustration are not leading the charge (ask me how I know). When my flesh leads the way, the entire interaction backfires. It is important to truly seek God, recognize where we are wrong, repent and ask for wisdom.
I applied this recently and yielded beautiful results. I had a few conflicts I was working through. I tried and tried to be patient but it just didn’t work. I closed the night the best I knew how: I fed everyone. The kids went to bed after we read a story and prayed. Then I put myself to sleep. Sometimes, you just need another fresh day.
I woke up and asked God for mercy and help. I went on with my morning routine: CrossFit, coffee, breakfast for the kids, shower for me, more coffee. In the middle of all of that. I heard a familiar, gentle whisper.
God told me to remind the particular family members of how important they are to me and how they are even more important to God.
I circled around the previous night’s conversation. I told them of how important they are to me and even more to God. I gave them a tight hug and a kiss. You could see the conflict and hardness of their heart melt. Thanks be to God for wisdom that is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
I went on to take a similar approach to the next family member. A similar thing happened. I felt the conflict fall and unity arise. God is so good and wise.
My human tendency is to let things go, sweep them under the rug, and just hope for things to resolve on their own. The thing is, that’s not how God treats me. He deals with brokenness because He has a better plan for me. He is a good Father.
If you are dealing with a broken or uneasy family relationship today, I encourage you to give God’s way a try.
Remember to start with prayer. Recognize where you are wrong. Repent. Ask God for wisdom. Look for the following fruits of wisdom:
pure
peaceable
gentle
willing to yield
full of mercy and good fruits
without partiality
without hypocrisy.
Let me know how God changes your situation because I know He will.
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